The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 7 Recap: Kaitlyn and Nick Find the Right Reasons To Have Hotel Sex, and Shawn Gosling Won’t Have It, Because That’s Not How The Notebook Works

The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 7 Recap: Kaitlyn and Nick Find the Right Reasons To Have Hotel Sex, and Shawn Gosling Won’t Have It, Because That’s Not How The Notebook Works

Ian has Kaitlyn’s blood boiling. Ian is upset that Kaitlyn enjoys jokes, and humor, and the laughing that comes along with such trivial pursuits. Ian did not laugh while matriculating at Princeton, and Ian certainly will not laugh now. Ian is not here for the same reasons as the woman that Ian finds to be … Continue reading

The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 6 Recap: Nick Is Here, All the Guys Turn Out to Be Terrible at Singing In Spanish, And Ian Is Smart and Fast and Someone Women Love

The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 6 Recap: Nick Is Here, All the Guys Turn Out to Be Terrible at Singing In Spanish, And Ian Is Smart and Fast and Someone Women Love

“What’s up guys?” That’s what Nick said, when he walked into the room at the end of last episode. Remember?? And then nobody talks to him. This is a reallllllll standoff. Except for the part where everyone except Nick is sitting. Wait, were standoffs just like staring contests, except instead whoever blinks first loses, it … Continue reading

The Bachelorette Season 11 Episode 4 Recap: Everyone Shows Off Their Balls During Sumo Wrestling, Then Clint Shows JJ His In the Kitchen, Plus Other Places

The Bachelorette Season 11 Episode 4 Recap: Everyone Shows Off Their Balls During Sumo Wrestling, Then Clint Shows JJ His In the Kitchen, Plus Other Places

…annnnnd, Koopa’s still freaking out! He’s drinking his whiskey and bellowing about and waving his very short turtle arms. He seems like he wants to jump very high int0 the air and land on top of someone, and then if that doesn’t work, shoot fireballs out of his mouth, then repeat in a predictable pattern. … Continue reading

The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 1 Recap: Britt and Kaitlyn Lock in a Deathmatch to See Who is More Desirable To Men Who Drive Hot Tub Cars

The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 1 Recap: Britt and Kaitlyn Lock in a Deathmatch to See Who is More Desirable To Men Who Drive Hot Tub Cars

Remember when BatchSlap got purchased by a massive media conglomerate for $3.72billion?? I also remember it. It was great. For six months I lived the life of the un-ruddered rich, layering entire flank steaks on my Tombstone pizzas and occasionally appearing in the rear corners of Taylor Swift’s instagram photos. But then, one day, the question: … Continue reading

The Bachelorette Season 10 Finale: Andi’s Dad Scares The Crap Out Of The Guys, And Then Andi Gets Fake-Engaged To One Of Them

The Bachelorette Season 10 Finale: Andi’s Dad Scares The Crap Out Of The Guys, And Then Andi Gets Fake-Engaged To One Of Them

And just like that, we have arrived. It seems like only eight weeks ago that we embarked on this journey, hurtling ceaselessly towards love, towards true connection, towards Neil Lane smiling way too much for a man who’s literally giving away diamonds for free, when in fact it was actually an entire nine weeks ago. Tonight, Andi is … Continue reading