Ian has Kaitlyn’s blood boiling. Ian is upset that Kaitlyn enjoys jokes, and humor, and the laughing that comes along with such trivial pursuits. Ian did not laugh while matriculating at Princeton, and Ian certainly will not laugh now. Ian is not here for the same reasons as the woman that Ian finds to be … Continue reading
“What’s up guys?” That’s what Nick said, when he walked into the room at the end of last episode. Remember?? And then nobody talks to him. This is a reallllllll standoff. Except for the part where everyone except Nick is sitting. Wait, were standoffs just like staring contests, except instead whoever blinks first loses, it … Continue reading
…annnnnd, Koopa’s still freaking out! He’s drinking his whiskey and bellowing about and waving his very short turtle arms. He seems like he wants to jump very high int0 the air and land on top of someone, and then if that doesn’t work, shoot fireballs out of his mouth, then repeat in a predictable pattern. … Continue reading
Welcome to a slightly almost somewhat normal week of the Bachelorette! Last week’s schedule was the worst, and was responsible for me earning the same designation, and turning in the Episode 2 recap almost a full week late. But I did it! See? It’s right here. This week, at the normal 8pm start time ABC … Continue reading
When we last left the house that Chris Harrison so kindly lets these guys use to film the show, a sex therapist who does pro-bono (not gonna do it) work showed up in a hot tub car, Britt and Kaitlyn were basically thrown into a monkey cage with one another to tear each others’ extensions out, … Continue reading
Remember when BatchSlap got purchased by a massive media conglomerate for $3.72billion?? I also remember it. It was great. For six months I lived the life of the un-ruddered rich, layering entire flank steaks on my Tombstone pizzas and occasionally appearing in the rear corners of Taylor Swift’s instagram photos. But then, one day, the question: … Continue reading
That’s right, billions — thanks for all your support that has now made me the incredibly wealthy owner of 750 DeLoreans. You don’t have that many DeLoreans, which means you aren’t driving them everywhere, which means you have lots of free time, so be sure to get your BatchSlap fix right here, every single week.
And just like that, we have arrived. It seems like only eight weeks ago that we embarked on this journey, hurtling ceaselessly towards love, towards true connection, towards Neil Lane smiling way too much for a man who’s literally giving away diamonds for free, when in fact it was actually an entire nine weeks ago. Tonight, Andi is … Continue reading